Even Messier

The other night, I had to tell my son something that I never dreamed.

I had to tell him that our Pastor, his pastor—the one with whom he has shared waterslides and lock-ins, TCBY and bowling—has made…is making…some grave mistakes.

I had to tell him that this person we love is involved in a relationship with someone who is married, that she has contributed to the breakup of a home—a home in which children, his friends, reside—that she is choosing to continue with this adulterous relationship and leave the ministry for the time being, and that this relationship, is in fact, a homosexual one.

Not your normal bedtime conversation.

I cringe to read it all typed out here in black and white.

It seems so harsh.

And yet, these are simply the facts.

We live in a small community, and rumors have abounded the past couple weeks, poisoning the halls of our church. People have questioned and lies have been told. There have been sleepless nights and much praying.

But Sunday night we heard it directly from her. A confession not many were prepared to hear. A confession she was not required to make, but one she felt she owed.

It took courage.

But now the truth is out.

In the next couple days, the Session will be making all efforts to inform the congregation of the truth, and minimize the damage.

These are the times in the church when the naysayers seem vindicated. When the cynics are proved correct.

The church is full of hypocrites, they say.

They preach one way and act another, they say.

I believe in God—just not organized religion, they say.

And because the church is made up of fallen, broken people—many times these critics will be correct.

Humans will fail us. Some in small ways and some…well, some in rather big ways.

So I say to you what I said to a friend from our congregation recently—a young man who was brought to Christ by our (former) Pastor and who considered her his spiritual mentor. He sat in my living room and fought tears as I earnestly searched for the right words:

“People make mistakes. People change. But God is always the same. And He will never fail us.” (James 1:17)

Sometimes we put our faith in the wrong vessels.

And we let our broken hearts lead.

It’s true.

We grown-ups haven’t handled things too well. Especially yours truly.

But we have done the best we can. There is no five point outline for how to handle this.

We are feeling our way around in the dark.

Yet, there is one way the Body of Christ can prove the world wrong: that is in our reaction to these types of situations.

I did not fully comprehend the truth in this until lying beside a twelve year old boy in his bed the other night.

After explaining the situation to Teddy, I reminded him of the second greatest commandment.

“I’m not sure how I feel about all this—I feel a lot of things,” I said. “But there is one thing I do know for sure—God tells us to love each other. We have to love these people. No matter what mistakes they have made. Do you think you can do that?”

His response shamed me.

His response shook me.

Without hesitation my son replied, “Of course.”

Just like that.

Of course.

My son’s quick response made me question what true love really looks like.

And in the process, the way love looks to me is changing.

I am being stretched. The walls around my love are being broken down.

This is the way God works on us, dear friends. He confronts us with these difficult, ugly, life-changing situations…

And then He asks us to love.

Not just in word, but with actions and in truth. (1 John 3:18)

What does that look like to you?

We are still processing.

Each night, there has been a new question from my son.

I don’t have all the answers. These things are complicated. Messy.

No matter how hard I try, I cannot love as much as Jesus.

His is the example that I want to follow.

Not what my emotions say.

Not what other people say.

Only Jesus.

And He tells me to love.

Tonight I meet with the middle-schoolers at church. Please pray for me, as our former Pastor used to be my teaching partner with this group. There are sure to be questions.

Thank you, dear friends.

Thank you.