they called me
daddy’s girl…
blonde hair, blue
eyes, freckles—
secretly, I was pleased
to bear his likeness. I
grew my hair long for
him. sister and I would wait
until he came home from
the plant and race to him to
unlace his workboots. and
bring him a beer. he held
me on his lap and kissed
my baby cheek. but only
when he was drinking. I
thought love smelled like Stroh’s.
I grew. Some things are clearer
with time. daddy’s littlegirl learned to hate her own face—
damn these blue eyes and
freckles. a family in tatters and
I blamed him. time again. anger.
space. my own mistakes. his eyes
in my mirror. I couldn’t run away
from my own blood. forgiveness
came in the middle of the power
plant where I worked with him. grease
under my fingernails. the noise of
machinery spilling through earplugs…
myself lost under hard hat and safety
glasses. he was proud of me. he
had no right. he had nothing to do
with the person I was. the person
I am. but there were his eyes
again. suddenly, I knew. he
did the best he could. compassion swelled
like a wave, washed over me with force.
married at 18. a father at19. four children
by 25. he never knew how. to be. a dad.
no excuses. just different eyes.
eyes of love. like Jesus. and everything
changed. these are my eyes. I got them from
my Father. this is my heart. I got it
from Him too. the hole
in it no longer throbs with pain. little girls
need their Daddy. mine never leaves. He
never left.
24 comments:
Beautiful, Laura. Yours sounds a lot like mine.
love you sweet Laura.
Never to leave us or forsake us ...
I send you love too dear Laura.
How beautiful, Laura. Your writing helps heal your own heart, as well as the hearts of countless readers. I'm so glad God gave you the gift of words, and of forgiveness. You use both for his Glory. He is pleased. So pleased...on this Father's Day!
Love to you!
When I stopped making Abba in the image of my earthly father, I encountered hope that forever changed the trajectory of my living.
Those beautiful eyes you've been given ... they too are filled with God.
- Laure
I'm sure "He" is proud of you...your eyes, your heart, your beautiful words.
So full of thought...
So deep with emotions...
So healing...yet very revealing at the same time.
So raw and real and I thank you.
This day... Fathers day... always an empty place in the hearts of many.
Hugs today.
This is just beautiful.
What a beautiful, poignant ride you took us on. How powerful. It's so generous of you to share this with us. I pray this is a hurt that stays healed.
God bless, and Happy Father's Day!
This is beautiful, Laura.
I never, NEVER leave comments, but this is just too good. I am amazed at your writing gift. The forgiveness our kind Lord Jesus gave you. The ability you have to convey your soul and your Father's love to all of your readers.
Thank you. ~K
Breathtaking, Laura. I know that same smell of beer. Am so thankful to have been given similar eyes from my Father.
So beautiful, Laura.
Love you!
Laura, this is beautiful.
Thank goodness for God's springing a fountain of compassion inside us. Sometimes it's too hard to do the loving on our own.
I can completely relate to this poem. If we sat over coffee, I'd tell you why, tell you how God healed me, tell you about my Heavenly Father who knit me together and loves me with a love I struggle to describe in words.
How wonderful are his works. You are one.
You all are very kind. A special thank you to K and Laure who do not have blogs for me to visit and say a personal blessing. You all have touched my heart by your sweet words.
what a gift you have...to have this clarity, perspective, to be able to get it out of your head and in to words...
xo
I loved "Daddy's Girl"...so real and so raw. Thank you for sharing with the world.
Laura,
I have been away from blog world for a time ... I am always touched by the beauty of your words and the depth of feelings they evoke in me. You have a gift and we are blessed that you share it with us.
In His Grace,
Tina
Sigh. Just that.
"he had no right" and "suddenly I knew"
So much resonates here. Not only does Abba never forsake us, He gives us others who have walked the same roads.
The first time I read this, I was here with a text-only browser. And now, I see the pictures...
I am touched by your God in the Yard posts. Thank you for doing all those, so openly. And thank you, Laura, for all the encouragement you give me. You don't know how much it means.
You are beautiful. B
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