We spring forward an hour and it seems like a lie. Rising in
this dark—does it really save the daylight? The heaviness of light’s absence
mutes my spirit and I tiptoe through the mornings. Until I step out on the
porch this morning and discover spring. I sit on the steps in the dim and
whisper your Name and a gentle wind lifts birdsong into the air around me. A
robin hops through the grass and I wonder at his courage.
I am thinking about the Resurrection.
About how Jesus walked through that locked door—not once,
but twice—to find those who belong to him. And I know my heart has been a
locked door…I know I’ve hidden away in fear and unbelief. Blessed are those who don’t see and still believe, You said, but I
am Thomas and I want to see the nail holes. I want to touch your side.
I know how the story ends and still I doubt. Still, I
live in fear.
I clutch onto the days with balled fists and chafe against
the tight corners of my life.
You hem me in.
I sit on the porch under a dark sky this morning and I tell
you these things. I plead with you to change me. Change my heart. Make me
better. Make me smarter, more whole, stronger. Give me your eyes.
The ashen sky melts into a dusty blue. A rabbit nibbles at
the grass on the corner of the yard.
Perfect love drives
out fear, John tells me, but I know my love is not perfect. I catch
glimpses of it, fleeting moments of grace. They are water through my net of
love…slip right through. The tighter I cling, the more quickly they rush
through my fingers.
How? I ask.
The robin takes flight. The breeze stirs the rhododendron.
Open your hand.
I feel them in my heart, these words. This locked door is
passed through—the labyrinth of these chambers navigated as easily as the
upstairs hall.
The purple moat grows thinner. I know the light will come
earlier each day. And I am grateful for this burning in my heart.
Over at The High Calling, we are continuing our discussion of David Platt's Follow Me. Join us? Also, I'm giving away a copy of Margaret Feinburg's lovely book Wonderstruck. Just leave a comment by Friday for a chance to win. If you tweet or post on FB about this giveaway, let me know and your name will be thrown in the hat an additional time for each.
How do you embrace the God-joy? Every Monday I’ll
be sharing one of my Playdates with God. I would
love to hear about yours. It can be anything:
outside, quiet time. Maybe it’s solitary. Maybe
it’s loud and crowded. Just find Him. Be with Him. Grab my button at the bottom of the page and join us:
the Playdates button:
53 comments:
Beautiful, Laura. I often strive too hard instead of opening my hand to receive. So thankful for a God who saves us despite ourselves. And saves that extra hour to give back to us in the fall. :-)
It's a constant wrestling isn't it? To hold on to what we know to be true and not let it slip away among our doubting. I have Margaret's book. Psst, I'm doing another book club on it with Duane Scott in April. Would love for you to join us.
I love how you said this, Lisa. My sentiment, exactly. Thank you, Laura, for this bit of your heart.
People used to get up at 5:30 to do a day's work without people changing the clock (because most didn't have a clock). In one calendar system - there were no dares for the winter months - just no-name time.
Maybe if we look at how our children when they are little and so trusting in us - how we drove out their fears - maybe that's how it is with the Father. It is a leap of faith - and taking control of those fear thoughts and replacing them with Father words! It sounds like you had a beautiful morning with the Father:)
Yes...to know His perfect love for us....and opening ourselves to trusting that Love....isn't it a life long process...one He never tires of...oh the grace. I feel like I have been under a rock....just have found Margaret and her writings.....I am doing the 40 day challenge with her....I would love to read this after lent ....thanks for the opportunity to win....blessings
I was just thinking of you, this morning, and how I feel your sadness from at least one state away. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't, and you already have Everything you need inside of you. You are working it out. There's a poem by Marge Piercy that's very good. It's called "To Have Without Holding."
So honest and beautiful. I love "fleeting moments of grace. They are water through my net of love...slip right through."
Beautifully written Laura. Couldn't we just keep the time? The Father speaks change - change in seasons, changes in life, change in me. If I could just learn to keep His time, today with open hands, the change might come more naturally.
that fear is such a harsh taskmaster ... praying that you will be filled with a sweet grace today
I love your heart Laura - so open and honest. I have been thinking similar thoughts. How I long to be fully His.
I've been reading through the epistles of John and recently came across that very convicting verse - "perfect love casts out fear." I too am grappling with how to open my hand and let that love flow from Him to others. It is not an easy lesson to learn. Or perhaps it is easy and I make it hard. I don't know. But I am resonating here with you and praying that we both will learn this God-like love, Laura. Beautiful words, as always!
Beth, love that verse as well!
Linda, praying the same for you!
Nancy, amen!
Nancy, love it!
Praying for God's peace, love, and grace to cover you today!
Ro, love that you are doing the 40-Day Bible Reading Challenge with us!
Love this!
Shelly, woohoo!
Lisa-- Amen, Amen Amen!
Thank you for the idea of my heart as one more locked door for Jesus to pass through. That gives me hope for a loved one fleeing from Him as well. Our locked doors are no obstacle to Him once He sets His mind on entering. Thanks be to God!
May His love cast out your fear more and more, dear Laura.
So beautiful. Thank you. I have yet to see my first robin but I am on the lookout. I always enjoy searching out the first one. Makes me happy. It is too cold to sit outside in the morning but I know by each passing day the warmth will come. Have a beautiful day!
I hate "losing" the hour but I love that spring is coming, and with it reminders of the Resurrection and new life. Thanks for the inspiring post & for hosting, & God bless.
Laurie
http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/
So beautiful! I am so thankful that my Savior woos us.... Oh, how He loves! :)
From one closed-fisted 'fraidy cat to another...thank you. Beautiful words. Perfect love drives out fear, yes. Thankfully His love is perfect because mine falls pitifully short. I love to read your heart here, Laura!
"Open your hand..." I love that, Laura.
this is wonderful. i can relate to those balled fists, thank you for the reminder to open my hand! xo
It will take me time, but for now I am so mixed up with that hour I missed somewhere!
Love. Always love. Thank you. Always.
oh, I can relate...praying we can both open our hearts and hands, dear Laura...I so appreciate you, friend :)
I know this place on the porch. I know these heart cries. Waiting in this place of gentle tension with outstretched arms and unfurled hands. Love your words, your heart and just you.
I love reading your posts! I've been pondering this idea - how light actually brightens, lightens, makes us happy. And God is light. In Him there is no darkness. And I read Psalm 62:8 "Trust in Him at all times, O people. Pour out your hearts to HIm, for God is our refuge." And I underlined "Pour Out Your Hearts To Him". And then I did :-)
shhhh, there is magnificent grace flying in on robin's wings. My heart calmed, my senses opened and the truth of locked doors and droplets of grace whispered here. Thank you.
ohmygoodnessohmygoodnessohmygoodness! I told you I wasn't going to enter your giveaway for Wonderstruck, but I just started reading it on the elliptical. Already I can think of about half a dozen people with whom I want to share this book--including the beloved Swede. And I feel like I'm sitting with you, palms extended upward, empty, waiting to be filled. If only we could sit together.
Count me in--about to share on Facebook and the Twitter :)
That is so beautifully written, Laura. Your words resonate with me.
Laura, sounds like the same conversation I had this morning with God! :) Beautifully sounded thoughts, as always.
Can I come stand on your front porch with you? Can we somehow pile our love together and remember that His love is enough to banish all darkness?
Yes, yes. Doesn't it? And isn't it a wonderful thing that He let's us question, indeed invites us to, and then pulls us tight into his embrace and all the questions melt away? Spring. It always comes.
Must be something in the air, JB :). It's nice to see you here, friend. The world gets bigger and life goes by faster and I forget how good it is to see your smile in the comments. :)
Thank you, Pam. You are very kind. I'm grateful God is big enough. Because I am so small.
You are in! Some books are meant to be shared, and this is one of them!
And your words hush me here too, Alyssa. Let's stay here a while, shall we?
He blesses that pouring, doesn't He, Michelle? I love that about our God. I'll be thinking about light for a while now :)
My porch is big enough for friends! I'm grateful for your companionship there, Elizabeth.
And I appreciate you, Dolly. Always about the open hand...
Amen, to that, Becky. I'm so glad His love covers me--even when I'm cowering in the dark :).
Oh, Janet, the Robins are all over here in WV! Where are you? We had a patch of warm the past couple days but it's back to the cold again today. I'm thinking Robin Redbreast might wish he'd waited a little longer...
I am going to find that poem, Brandee. Thank you for thinking of me and recommending it. It's been a long, hard season...but you know what? It's amazing how God's love stands out in sharp relief against the darkness. I feel...so loved and embraced...even in this desert. Love to you, sweet friend.
I'm so excited you are doing the challenge, Ro! Don't you love how Margaret sees? I'm grateful for her voice. Your name is in the hat!
Sometimes I feel so discouraged that after all this time, after all He has brought me through...I still have these seasons. But these are the times He pulls me closer and I dig deeper and this is one way to grow. I am grateful he never leaves us alone. Never leaves us in the dark.
Duane mentioned that on FB, Shelly! The two of you together will be awesome :). I'll definitely follow along. I've been wanting to post on Wonderstruck for a while now but I am so overwhelmed with the busy! Barely keeping my head above water here. Maybe April will slow some...(she says, hopefully)
Isn't that just like you to thank Him for that hour in the fall? I just love you, friend.
"I clutch onto the days with balled fists and chafe against the tight corners of my life." Oh, you've described me to a T, Laura! How I long to let my locked door open and throw away the key.
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