We spring forward an hour and it seems like a lie. Rising in this dark—does it really save the daylight? The heaviness of light’s absence mutes my spirit and I tiptoe through the mornings. Until I step out on the porch this morning and discover spring. I sit on the steps in the dim and whisper your Name and a gentle wind lifts birdsong into the air around me. A robin hops through the grass and I wonder at his courage.
I am thinking about the Resurrection.
About how Jesus walked through that locked door—not once, but twice—to find those who belong to him. And I know my heart has been a locked door…I know I’ve hidden away in fear and unbelief. Blessed are those who don’t see and still believe, You said, but I am Thomas and I want to see the nail holes. I want to touch your side.
I know how the story ends and still I doubt. Still, I live in fear.
I clutch onto the days with balled fists and chafe against the tight corners of my life.
You hem me in.
I sit on the porch under a dark sky this morning and I tell you these things. I plead with you to change me. Change my heart. Make me better. Make me smarter, more whole, stronger. Give me your eyes.
The ashen sky melts into a dusty blue. A rabbit nibbles at the grass on the corner of the yard.
Perfect love drives out fear, John tells me, but I know my love is not perfect. I catch glimpses of it, fleeting moments of grace. They are water through my net of love…slip right through. The tighter I cling, the more quickly they rush through my fingers.
How? I ask.
The robin takes flight. The breeze stirs the rhododendron.
Open your hand.
I feel them in my heart, these words. This locked door is passed through—the labyrinth of these chambers navigated as easily as the upstairs hall.
The purple moat grows thinner. I know the light will come earlier each day. And I am grateful for this burning in my heart.
Over at The High Calling, we are continuing our discussion of David Platt's Follow Me. Join us? Also, I'm giving away a copy of Margaret Feinburg's lovely book Wonderstruck. Just leave a comment by Friday for a chance to win. If you tweet or post on FB about this giveaway, let me know and your name will be thrown in the hat an additional time for each.
How do you embrace the God-joy? Every Monday I’ll be sharing one of my Playdates with God. I would love to hear about yours. It can be anything: outside, quiet time. Maybe it’s solitary. Maybe it’s loud and crowded. Just find Him. Be with Him. Grab my button at the bottom of the page and join us:
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